"JOKES PAGE # 9"
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: Why don't women have brains? A: Because they don't have dicks to put them in.
Q: What is a diaphragm? A: A trampoline for dickheads!
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"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor.
"You didn't do it, did you?" the neighbor asked
"I have to admit I did -- though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"
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How Yodelling Was Invented
Back in the olden days, a man was traveling through Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching, and the man had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that it would be all right, and that he could sleep in the barn.
The man went into the barn to bed down and the farmer went back into the house. The farmer's daughter came down from upstairs and asked the farmer, "Who was that man going into the barn?" "That's some fellow traveling through," answered the farmer. "He needed a place to stay for the night, so I said that he could sleep in the barn."
The daughter then asked the farmer, "Did you offer the man anything to eat?" "Gee, no, I didn't," the farmer answered. The daughter said, "Well, I'm going to take him some food." She went into the kitchen, prepared a plate of food and then took it out to the barn. The daughter was in the barn for an hour before returning to the house.
When she came back in, her clothes were all disheveled and buttoned up wrong, and she had several strands of straw tangled up in her long blonde hair. She immediately went up the stairs to her bedroom and went to sleep. A little later, the farmer's wife came down and asked the farmer why their daughter went to bed so early.
"I don't know," said the farmer. "I told a man that he could sleep in the barn and our daughter took him some food." "Oh," replied the wife. "Well, did you offer the man anything to drink?" "Umm, no, I didn't," said the farmer.
The wife then said, "I'm going to take something out there for him to drink." The wife went to the cellar, got a bottle of wine, then went out to the barn. She did not return for over an hour, and when she came back into the house, her clothes were also messed up and she had straw twisted into her blonde hair. She went straight up the stairs and into bed.
The next morning at sunrise, the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left the farm. A few hours later, the daughter woke up and came rushing downstairs. She went right out to the barn, only to find it empty. She ran back into the house. "Where's the man from the barn?" she eagerly asked the farmer.
Her father answered, "He left several hours ago." "What?" she cried. "He left without saying good bye? After all we had together? I mean, last night he made such passionate love to me!"
"What?" shouted the father. "He took advantage of you?" The farmer ran out into the front yard looking for the man but by now the man was halfway up the side of the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm gonna get you! You had sex with my daughter!"
The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hands next to his mouth and yelled out,
(You ready for this?)
(It's good!)
(Hope you're sitting!)
"Your old laDEE, too!"
So that is how yodeling came about.
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A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the doctor that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
She said she did.
He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
She said that it didn't.
The doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
The doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think attorneys come from?"
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Having a Stroke
There were three old ladies sitting on a park bench talking amongst themselves when a flasher came by. The flasher stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Well, the first old lady had a stroke.
Then the second old lady had a stroke.
The third old lady had arthritis and couldn't reach that far.
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A guy took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything."
"Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"
"Uhhh . . . no," the girl replied.
"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"
"N-n-no," the girl stammered.
"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lot of fun if you're on the level about this."
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Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other was the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was suave and handsome in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely. After the wedding ceremony, and during the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over to the groom broom and said, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!
IMPOSSIBLE ! said the groom broom. "WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!!!
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