"JOKES PAGE # 8"
BillyJoe had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if was sick as he looked absolutely terrible.
"Well..." said BillyJoe, "I met this blonde and turned out she was a sales rep-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ended up back in her room having wild sex all night."
"OK," replied the boss, "that may explain your fatigue, but why are your eyes so red?"
"Well..." said BillyJoe, "turns out she was married and had a child at home. She started crying with remorse, and I started thinking about my own wife and kids, so I cried too."
"I see." chided the boss, "but that seminar ended Friday. How come you still appear so ragged?"
"Well..." said BillyJoe, "you can't sit there and cry 4-5 times a day for four days and not look like this."
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The Relationship with your Significant Other Is Over When ...
She puts your dinner on the floor in the Rover Dish.
The milkman is wearing your bathrobe.
You get a ticket for the Jerry Springer Show.
She starts every sentence with the words ..."To whom it may concern."
Your mail comes addressed to "Current Resident."
The local mortician starts measuring you for a new suit.
Her mother looks at you and starts laughing.
You are urged to stir your coffee "very well," before drinking it.
Your favorite easy chair is plugged into the wall outlet.
All of your shirts have a target painted on them.
She insists on packing your parachute on your first jump out of an airplane.
She urges you to go hunting with a group of her PMS ing friends.
People are referring to her as the "widow."
You come home and all that is left of the house is the foundation.
She is 6 months pregnant and you haven't slept with her in a year.
She redecorates the house using your life insurance policy as collateral on the loan.
Your name is Fred and a new tattoo just below her navel reads ... "Al's Place."
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David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table."
"Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage. He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts screwing her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!"
The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies, "I know, it's fucking magic."
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A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart.
On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance.
The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?"
She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman...but he only paid me one hundred dollars!"
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The old golf pro was bored early on and had already been into the cooler in the pro shop, when suddenly a young lady ran in screaming,
"I was stung by a bee!"
"Where," the bleary-eyed pro asked?
"Between the first and second holes," replied the frantic young blonde.
To which the tipsy pro replied, "I told you yesterday that your stance was too wide."
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At his wedding reception, the young groom's granddad congratulated his grandson and said, "The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma's and mine has.
"Thanking him for his advice, the grandson asked, "What is sex like when you get older, Granddad?"
His granddad looked at his grandson, smiled and replied, "Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"
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A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner.
The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, heasks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full.
After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?"
The man says, "Two would be fine.
"She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup.
"And cream?" she asks.
The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "I don't think so!"
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