"JOKES PAGE # 7"
Crazy Mike walks into the pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Look, I've got three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, so what have you got to keep me horny and potent all night?"
The pharmacist reaches down, unlocks a bottom drawer and brings up a box labeled 'Viagra Extra Strength' containing single wrapped packets. He says,"Take one of these and you'll go crazy for 12 hours."
Crazy Mike replies, "Hell, gimme three"
The next day Mike returns to the same pharmacist, who smiles and asks, "Well, how'd it go?"
In answer, Mike pulls down his pants, to display his penis that's black and blue and blistered, one of the sorriest sights the pharmacist had ever seen.
Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a tube of Ben Gay."
The pharmacist replies in horror. "You're not going to put Ben Gay on that are you?"
Mike replies, "Hell, no, it's for my arms. The girls didn't show up."
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The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them the Major called for this HOT number from the nearby town. She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes.
For her second number she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G string.This time the applause went for 10 minutes. The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on.
The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked.
The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage.
The Major asks her, "What happened?
How come there was no clapping this time?"
She replied, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?!!?"
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A farmer in Arkansas and his wife were lying in bed one evening, she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"
She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it.
"He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K."
He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty and says, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig squealed, it's hard to tell."
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It was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher was trying to get to know her students.
"What did you do this summer?" the teacher asked Suzie.
"Me and my family went to the beach a lot," Suzie answered.
"That sounds like fun," said the teacher. "How about you,
Emma? What did you do this summer?"
"Me and my family rode our bikes together."
"That sounds lovely," said the teacher. She continued with all her pupils until she got to shy Mikey in the corner of the room.
"What did you do this summer, Mikey?"
"Nothing," the boy responded timidly.
"Did you do anything with your family?" the teacher asked, trying to draw Mikey out.
"Yes."
"Did you go to the beach?"
"No."
"Did you ride bikes?"
"No, never!" the boy burst out. "We can never ride bikes together!"
"Why not?" said the shocked teacher.
"I don't know," explained Mikey, "but dad always said, when then mom and sis start 'cycling together', it's time to get the hell out of town."
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A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning."Congratulations!" says the clerk.
Looking at the cowboy, he asks, "Would you like the bridal then?"
"Naw, thanks," says the cowboy. "I reckon I'll just hold her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it."
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A guy is walking through a fairground one day, whenhe notices a stunning woman sprawled on the ground unconscious. Kneeling next to the beauty, he lightly slaps her face.
No response.
Then he rubs her wrists.
Nothing.
He even tries mouth to mouth.
The gorgeous woman does not respond.
Finally, the guy takes another tack.
He unbuttons the girl's blouse, and slides it off her body. Then, unhooking her bra, he begins to massage and fondle her firm, soft breasts.
The girl begins to moan and gasp in pleasure, her nipples stiffening, and finally her eyes flutter open."Oh thank you," she sighs. Looking down at the guy's hands, still massaging her tits, she goes on. "Tell me, how did you think of such a novel way to revive me?"
"It wasn't my idea," he says. "That guy over there kept shouting, "Rubber balloons ..... Rubber balloons!!"
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A young man was shipwrecked on a remote island. Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself. After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection. Now, completely without any happiness, he started to lose his sanity.
One morning, as he is lying on the beach, he thinks he sees a ship in the distance. He quickly starts a fire, then throws wet seaweed on top until smoke is billowing high in the air. The ship starts to come his way!
He gets all excited and thinks, "Finally! I'm going to be saved! The first thing I want is to take a long, hot shower. Then they're going to give mesome clothes and I'm going to go upstairs and have a nice dinner.
I will find a nice lady to dance with, then I will take to her cabin and we can kiss and I can fondle her body. She'll start to take off her clothes and she'll be wearing red silk panties!"
At this, he starts to get an erection. He slips his hand into his shorts, grabs his pecker, and yells, "Ha Ha Ha!! I lied about the ship!!
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