"JOKES PAGE # 6"
This guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you have to help me! My penis is turning orange!"
The doctor says, "Well, what do you do for a living?" The man replies,
"I'm unemployed. I just sit at home all day eating Cheetos and watching pornos."
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The stockbroker called his client and said, "Sam, I have good news and bad news."
Sam said "Tell me the bad news first."
The stockbroker said "Sam, I'm sorry, but I lost all of your money."
Sam said, "What's the good news?"
The stockbroker replied, "I got laid last night."
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On their wedding night, the young bride went up to her new husband. "Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this:
In the evening, if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex. And if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex."
"Okay sweetheart," the groom replied. "Just make sure, when I come home, I usually have a drink. If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks, I may or may not want sex. But if I have three drinks, your hair doesn't matter."
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A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,... it's up to you!"
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An old man turned 115 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.
"Are these your grandkids?" the reporter asked.
"Naw, sir, they all be my younguns," the old man replied with a sly grin.
"Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?"
"Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife."
"Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be more than 19 years old."
"Thass right." said the old man with pride.
"Well surely you can't have a sex life with you being 115 and she is only 19," the reporter remarked.
"Naw, sir, " said the old man. "We have sex every night.
Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning six of my boys helps me off."
"Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman. "Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?"
"Cause," the spry old man said with a balled fist, "I fights 'em."
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A man was sitting in the bar when he noticed another patron a few stools away. The guy had a body like charles atlas, but his head was the size of a thimble. The first man said "please excuse me for staring, but I cant help but be curious as to why your body is so well developed, but your head is so small?".
The man said "buy me a drink and I'll tell you."
The drink was ordered and the story began. " I was in the navy and my ship was sunk by a torpedo. I was the only survivor and I managed to make it to a deserted island a few miles away. I had been there for several months and was sitting on the beach one day waiting for a bird or fish to come by so I would have something to eat, looking up I saw a beautiful mermaid sunning on anearby rock. She swam over to me and informed me that she was a magical mermaid and could grant me three wishes.
Great I said. I'd like to be rescued. She slapped the water with her tail and a ship appeared, sailing straight for my island.
Next I asked for a body like charles atlas. Another slap of the tail and here it is. Then, noticing how beautiful she was and all my other wishes fulfilled I asked if I could make love to her.
She said no it just wouldn't work her being half fish and all, so I said well, how about a little head then?
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New Square Dance
Up With The Petticoat,
Down With The Pants.
In With The Pecker,
Everybody Dance.
Girls With Rags On,
Up Against The Walls.
Guys With A Hard On,
Promenade The Halls.
Girls Grab Your Partners,
Firmly By The Balls.
Drag Him Down The
Length Of The Halls.
Make Him Holler,
Make Him Shout.
Put Your Pretty Ass
Up Against His Snout.
First Lady Go,
Second Lady Pass.
Third Lady's Finger,
Up The Fourth Guy's Ass.
Finger Out,
Promenade The Halls.
Now Release The
Poor Guy's Balls.
Then Down With The Petticoat,
Up With The Pants.
This Is The End Of,
The New Square Dance!
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