"JOKES PAGE # 5"
A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts smoking it.
The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't smoke in here."
The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?"
And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also sell condoms here."
**********************************************
A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?"
The guy says "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."
"Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?"
"She hit me with her bag of quarters!"
******************************************
"7 Things to NOT say to your girl's parents"
1) My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
2) Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
3) Can you believe it those dickheads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!
4) We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now, my wife can be rather vindictive at times.
5) Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.
6) Nice place you got here, that painting looks expensive, I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?
7) Can I pull my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost...
****************************************
Q. What is the most sensitive part of the body during masturbation?
A. Your ears - to listen for footsteps.
***************************************
My boyfriend came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs... he couldn't get back in.
****************************************
A young man took his petite date out to dinner at a fancy restaurant one night. When the waiter came she started ordering everything on the menu. He sat back in disbelief.
When the waiter checked back later she began ordering more food. The night continued the same all the way through 5 different desserts.
Finally the young man could no longer stand it. "My god! Do you eat like this at home!" he exclaimed."
No." she replied. "But no one is trying to get in my pants at home, either!"
****************************************
This is a bonafide true story. An old boyfriend and I were watching the ladies play golf on TV (said boyfriend having a death grip on the remote). One of the players hit a bad shot off into the rough and had to make a difficult shot back out of a patch of brush to get back onto the fairway.
The player ends up straddling a small shrub to get the correct angle for the shot and the female announcer says "This will be an extremely difficult shot for her with that bush between her legs."
You hear a strangled, choking noise from the male announcer (who probably still thanks his lucky stars today that he was off-camera); the female announcer then repeats "Yes, a very difficult shot with that bush between her legs."
You then hear this from the male announcer "snort...snort...gasp...Brahahahahahah" Quick cut to commercial
****************************************
Site designed by w&t 2000 All Rights Reserved
Background by w&t 2000 All Rights Reserved.