"JOKES FOR WOMEN PAGE # 4"

 

Wedding Telegrams

The Bureau of Meteorology forcasts rainstorms so the bride can expect a few good inches overnight.

Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch instalments."

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it."

Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in womans sink.

Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and Groom Mounted.

Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and She'll last for many years.

Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.

Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.

If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.

Go for it mate. We all did! All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.

She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.

Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.

Hope you honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass, One long hard route.

Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.

Travel Agency to Bride:The grooms face leaves at midnight. Be on it.

Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population

Football coach to bride: If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him off.

Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.

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Molly, age 9, and Sammy, age 10, are sitting on the front porch swing. Sammy says to Molly, "Screw you, Molly."

A minute goes by and Molly replies, "Screw YOU, Sammy."

A moment or two and Sammy says, "Screw YOU, Molly."

In response, "Screw *YOU*, Sammy," Molly says. After about ten minutes of this, Molly's mom comes out on the porch and says, "What on earth are you kids doing?"

They reply in unison, "We're having oral sex!"

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This cowboy and his gal walk into this bar and make their way to the back to get a table. This gal is quite pretty and many eyes follow her to the table. After getting seated the cowboy tells her to go get some beers. The gal gets up and heads towards the bar.

On the way there she is stopped by two different men, each one whispers something to her and she looks more upset each time. When the gal gets back with the beer, the cowboy ask her what that first guy had said.

She replied, " he told me he wanted to lick my breasts!"

The cowboy starts to roll up his sleeves. Getting angrier he asks his gal what the second guy said.

She replies, " he said he would love to turn me upside down and fill my vagina full of beer, then drink it all!"

The cowboy then starts to roll his sleeves back down.

The gal seeing this says," well aren't you going to defend my honor?"

To which the cowboy replies, " I would never mess with a man that can drink that much beer."

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I work as a pharmacist at a fairly high volume pharmacy. Most of the processing is done by our good technicians, but they don't always know the clinical aspects of the medications we're dispensing.

One day last week there was a medicine making its way to the counter for a customer who was waiting. My tech didn't know the medicine was to help men who had erection problems.

The tech sensed the customer was becoming impatient and said, "Yours will be up in just a minute, sir."

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Behind every great man is a great woman ...and behind every great woman is some guy staring at her ass!

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If you see him without a boner, make him a sandwich

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Did you hear that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray?
It's for Dickheads!

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One day, the Lord decided to make a companion for Adam. He summoned St. Peter and told him of his decision. He told St. Peter that he wanted to make a being who was similar to man, yet was different, and could offer him comfort, companionship and pleasure.The Lord said he would call this being woman. St. Peter asked why call her woman.The Lord replied: