One a day a man and his wife were watching there son playing with Army soldiers, when they heard him say, ''Look daddy the Green soldiers just blew the Hell out of the Tan soldiers.''
Alarmed the wife tells the boy to go to his room, and think about what he just said.
A few minutes later the husband says to his wife, "How about me and you play soldiers and you can blow the hell out of me?"
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When the surgeon came to see his young patient on the day after her operation, she was sligthy embarassed.
So the doctor she asked. "What's wrong?"
"Well this is a bit embarassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal sex life.
"Uh" stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it." replied the stunned surgeon.
"You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy."
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Sex Related Medical Facts.]
It takes 116 muscles to climax, but only 17 to smile
Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.
The greater the orgasm, the deeper the sleep. Multiple orgasms (20 or more per hour) can induce a coma and near-fusion with the mattress.
Maintenance tip for massages: change the oil every 10,000 strokes. Eat and drink sensibly. The combination of alcohol and sex, especially after long abstinence, can cause spontaneous fizzle.
To prevent bedsores, oil the sheets.
Better coordination prevents confusion during intricate manipulations, permitting you to talk and perform at the same time.
Sexual survival depends on knowing the difference between a birthmark and a rash.
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Wise Sayings -
"Passionate kiss like spider's web soon lead to undoing of fly."
"Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"
"Man who run in front of car get tired"
"Man who run behind car get exhausted"
"Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day"
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
"Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok"
"Man with one chopstick go hungry."
"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse."
"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."
"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"
"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"
"Man who sit on tack get point!"
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement"
"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."
"Man who farts in church sits in own pew."
"Man who leaps from tall building, jumps to conclusion'.
"Crowded elevator smells different to midget".
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A husband cuddled up to his wife and softly whispered into her ear: "Could we make love, please dear?"
"Not tonight, darling, I've got a splitting headache," she replied.
"Please, I'll only stick it in for a minute," pleaded her husband.
His wife retorted: "What do you think I am, a fuckin' microwave?"
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An old soldier was celebrating 82 years on this earth. He spoke to his toes - "Hello toes!", he said, "How are you, toes? You know, you`re 82 today. Oh the times we`ve had! Remember when we walked in the park in Summer, every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy birthday, toes!"
"Hello knees", he proceeded. "How are you, knees? You know, you`re 82 today. Oh the times we`ve had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we`ve jumped together. Happy birthday, knees!"
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! If you were alive today, you`d be 82 years old!!"
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Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce. "OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce."
"Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake."
"Surely there must be some difference between the two women." the judge said.
"You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor. That's why I want the divorce." he replied.
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