At his wedding reception, the young groom's granddad congratulated his grandson and said, "The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma's and mine has.
"Thanking him for his advice, the grandson asked, "What is sex like when you get older, Granddad?"
His granddad looked at his grandson, smiled and replied, "Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"
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Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the conversation got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove. "I'm a veterinarian", said the first fellow. "So, naturally, I drive a white 'Vet".
As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign company, so I drive a purple Neon".
Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until he was egged on by the other two."Well", he finally said, "I'm a proctologist...and I have a brown Probe"
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Mrs. Bennett phoned Cindy's parents to inform them of parent teacher conferences coming up soon.
Cindy answered the phone.
Mrs. Bennett asked if her mother or father were there. Cindy said her mother was gone and her father was in the bathroom washing his balls.
Mrs. Bennett was stunned and immediately said good-bye and hung up.
Within a few minutes Mrs. Bennett received a frantic phone call from Cindy's father. He informed her he was a coach and was in the bathroom washing soccer balls for the next game.
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Kathy goes into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. She takes the first glass and pours it down the back of her skirt. The bartender looks amazed as she pours another glass and again tips it down her skirt.
Finally, the bartender says: "Why are you pouring your drinks down your skirt?"
"Well," Kathy replies, "I've just won the lottery and this is the only asshole I'm sharing it with!"
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Q. What do you say to a man who you've just had sex with?
A. Say whatever you want... he's asleep.
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32 Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the early bird
31. Look you have two belly buttons
32. Do you need tweasers to put that thing away?
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