"JOKES PAGE # 13"
When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City, Utah, a woman told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the Mormon religion where husbands believe it's OK to have more than one wife."
That's true," he replied, "as a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives."
"How disgusting, "she said, "you should be ashamed of yourself, such practices should be against the law and you ought to be hung.
"With a slight grin, he just said, "Yes, mam I am."
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Vocabulary Test for the Dirty Minded:
1) What is a four-letter word that ends in "k"and means the same as intercourse?
2) What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3) What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
4) What word starts with "f " and ends with "u-c-k"?
5) Name five words that are each four letters long, end in " u-n-t " one of which is a word for a woman?
6) What does a dog do that you can step into?
7) What four letter word begins with "f " and ends with " k", and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
8) What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
9) What four-letter word ends in "i-t " and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
10) What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
ANSWERS:
1. (talk)
2. (legs)
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
4. (firetruck)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
6. (pants)
7. (fork)
8. (Almond Joy candy bar)
9. (grit)
10. (last name)
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Q. Why did God make man's pubic hair curly?
A. So women don't poke their eyes out while giving head.
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"You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the seventy-year old man after the examination.
"I know it," said the old gentleman. "I've really got only one complaint. My sex drive is too high. Got anything you can do for that, Doc?
"The doctor's mouth dropped open. "Your what?!" he gasped.
"My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."
"Lower it?!" exclaimed the doctor, still unable to believe what the seventy-year old gentleman was saying."Just what do you consider 'high'?"
"These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc,"said the old man, "and I'd like to have you lower i ta couple of feet if you can."
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Things that SEX and PARKING SPACES share in common:
1. You should never have to wait to find one
2. You should be able to slide right into one
3. Spaces in the front are always the best
4. It sucks when someone else is double-parked
5. Your space should still be open and waiting when you get back
6. It's a tragedy when you have a 'full-size' car but there are only compact' spaces
7. A full-size car is good to find
8. Spaces with short time limits are annoying and never satisfying
9. A house isn't a home without a parking space
10. Some people are uncomfortable with a space in the rear
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There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a blowjob
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Definitions:
" Egghead ": What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty
"Vagina ": The box a penis comes in.
" Eternity": The length of time between when YOU come and SHE leaves.
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Q: What would you do if you had a condom with a hole in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket?
A: Shit, I don't know either. But I do know that I wouldn't fuck with either one of them!
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