WHY COOKIE DOUGH IS BETTER THAN MEN
1. It's enjoyable hard or soft.
2. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better.
3. It doesn't mind if you take your anger out on it.
4. You always want to swallow.
5. It won't complain if you share it with friends.
6. It's "quick and convenient".
7. You can enjoy it more than once.
8. It comes already protectively wrapped.
9. You can make it as large as you want.
10. If you don't finish it you can save it for later.
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With the immense popularity of Viagra it's not surprising that the company has now started to produce versions of the drug for specific groups of customers:
Viagra Lite For people who only want to masturbate
Viagrallium: A mix of Viagra and Vallium: if you don't get to f*ck, then you don't give a f*ck.
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A young boy of four was going into hospital to ha have his tonsils removed. He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have surgery.
On the day he was admitted his mother asked Dr. could you please circumcise him while he is asleep.The Dr. agreed.
The boy woke up and was very sore down there for several days. After about a week he got to see his playmate again. The playmate informed him that he was also going to have to have his tonsils out soon.
He asked him to tell him about the surgery. The little boy replied "all I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think they are.'
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Man's question....
Why is it that a woman can guide a 1.5" diameter penis into an inch diameter vagina in pitch black darkness without looking and cannot park a 6 foot car in a 7 foot parking spot in broad daylight?
Woman's response!
My question to the guys is....When you go deer hunting.........how do you manage to shoot a deer from 50 yds away? And yet, you cannot aim and hit the toilet from 2 ft. ??? Just curious :)
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Signs of Menopause
Hot Flashes ~ You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
Mood Swings ~ Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
Memory Loss ~ You write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
Irritability ~ Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." and your reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie fucking Nelson."
Sleeplessness ~ The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
Fatigue ~ You find guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.
Mild Incontinence ~ You change your underwear after every sneeze.
Sudden Weight Gain ~ You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.
Female Hormone Deficiency ~ You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania."
Hormone Therapy ~ You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to see the Chippendales.
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Bob was talking to his fiancée, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"
To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'.
"Bob was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."
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