"JOKES PAGE # 12"
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his at dad breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny,those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven."
Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!"
His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?"
"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
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20 Types of men you might meet in the men's room.
EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips his shorts.
SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to go or not.
CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
TIMID: Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal and comes back later.
INDIFFERENT: All urinals being in use, he pisses in the sink.
CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on the floor.
WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes a quick inspection.
FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.
ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out his tie, pisses in his pants.
CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows the man in the next stall will get blamed.
PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.
DESPERATE: Waits in a long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.
EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, and then does both.
FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses on shoes.
LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
DRUNK: Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
DISGRUNTED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
CONCEITED: Holds two inch dick like a baseball bat.
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I went to the doctor today for a small problem. I've been unable to straighten out my fingers for a while and thought I should check into it. Well my doc being the progressive type that he is gave me a script for low dosage Viagra to see if that might help with problem... and it sure did !!!
Fingers are now straighter than they have ever been. But the side effect is killing me. Now that I can't curl my fingers I can't get any satisfaction at all..
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A young woman said to her friend: "I didn't realize that sex could be so painful!"
"Why was he THAT big?" exclaimed her friend excitedly.
"No, when I got on all fours, the perverted bastard missed the target by about an inch!"
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A man and his golf-ignorant girlfriend are driving along in their car after the couple has come from the golf club.
Because of his movements, the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?"
"Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving."
"Oh well. Ask a silly question, get a silly answer."
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY !
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
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Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went"ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F*CKOFF!", the dog ate him!...."
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