"JOKES PAGE # 11"
There was a mature gentleman wandering around in a supermarket calling out at intervals, "Crisco, Cris--co!" Finally a store clerk approached.
"Sir, the Crisco is on aisle five."
"Oh," replied the old gentleman, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco, I am calling my wife."
"Your wife is named "Crisco?"
"Nah," he answered,
"I only call her that when we come to the supermarket."
"Oh? What do you call her when you are not in the supermarket?"
"Lard ass."
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A man was sipping a drink in a bar when he noticed an attractive woman seated beside him. His interest must have been obvious because the bartender suddenly loomed over him and said, "Don't get any ideas about that girl, Mac. That's my wife."
The fellow replied, "Who's getting ideas? I just came in for a piece of beer."
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The husband was perusing a detailed sex manual and his wife asked him why. He replied that he was tired of being in the same old rut.
"But I don't understand," she protested, "I thought we had a very good sex life."
"Well," replied the husband, "let me put it to ya another way."
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY !
Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.
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One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation over dinner:
WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN:(makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: shit.shit.shit.....
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Two little girls are playing with a ball in the garden. The ball rolls under a nearby bush so Little Susie crawls under to get it out. Unfortunately it's a thorn bush, so she gets a rose thorn stuck in her finger.
Crying, she runs indoors shouting "Mommy, Mommy, I've got a thorn in my finger! Get some apple juice!"
Mum says: "But why do you want apple juice? Wouldn't a bandage be nicer?"
Susie says : "Well, I was playing with Rosie, and her big sister says that whenever she gets a prick in her hand she puts it in cider."
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